


Parasite Sucks!

by magpieinthesky



Category: Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-17
Updated: 2008-10-17
Packaged: 2018-05-09 18:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5551406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magpieinthesky/pseuds/magpieinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clark meets more than his match when a new villain appears in Metropolis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parasite Sucks!

**Author's Note:**

> AU, but a lot of inspiration comes from Superman: TAS. Written for the 2008 "12 Days of Clois" 100 Challenge, prompt: Meal.

“Idiot! Can’t you do anything right?”

Rudy Jones took his eyes off the boiling water for a moment to glance behind him at his partner in crime – if Martin’s incessant ordering could be called a partnership. “What did I do now, Mr. Lebeau? I didn’t even add the noodles in yet, and –”

Martin indicated the screen of the stolen laptop on which he had been searching for news of their heist: **EXPERIMENTAL CHEMICALS STOLEN FROM STAR LABS – Police Suspect Disgruntled Employee** , by Clark Kent. “Well, take a look here. They’re onto us already! If they’ve already realized that this was an inside job, it won’t take too long for them to make the connection that it was the janitor who’s gone missing.”

Rudy’s eyes widened. “Hey, that Clark Kent sounds familiar –”

“That’s because he is, you dummy,” Martin interrupted. “He’s only part of the triumvirate of people Superman saves the most – and if the Daily Planet has this kind of information, it won’t be long before they send Big Blue on our trail, and it will have been all for nothing. I can’t believe you’ve been so stupid!”

“But Mr. Lebeau, surely –”

“Rudy, don’t you think you’ve done enough talking today? You ruined everything – you were messy and didn’t clean up your own trail, and now we’re sitting ducks in this abandoned house, which you probably managed to get connected to you too, and –” Martin paused, thinking quickly. Just then, the water boiled over, and Rudy rushed to bring the water down to a simmer.

Fiddling with the knobs on the stove, Rudy soothed, “Don’t worry Mr. Lebeau, I’m sure you’re just overreacting. We haven’t eaten in a while, tempers are thin, and I bet you, with your criminal history, will figure a way out of this. And you’ll sure be glad I stopped at that convenience store on the way here when you get a taste of this Ramen!” Chuckling, he was pouring the noodles in when he heard the door slam.

“Aw, come on, Mr. Lebeau, don’t be like that!” Rudy ran out to the door and squinted into the darkness, which suddenly became a blinding light as Martin turned on the headlights on the truck they had used to transport the chemicals the pair had planned to sell at cost. Before Rudy could reach the truck, it had swerved around and started out of the driveway. As he ran yelling for Martin to stop and take pity on him, the loosely secured barrels fell out of the bed of the truck. Completely disoriented by the lack of light, Rudy did not realize until he tripped and fell, feeling the burning sensations of the chemicals, that the barrels had become punctured by the fall and quickly lost their contents to the increasingly absorbent skin of Rudy Jones.

* * *

“Way to go, C.K.!”

Clark Kent spun around in his chair to receive a high five from Jimmy Olsen as the cub photographer made his way through the bullpen. Clark grinned. “Thanks, Jimmy. What’s this for, now?”

“Modesty doesn’t become you, Smallville,” Lois retorted, holding up the morning edition of the previous day’s Daily Planet and sliding onto Clark’s desk. “Jimmy and I might have been out getting today’s big scoop yesterday, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t notice that you finally pulled in a hot article without looking like a complete novice. You did good, Kent – which is why I’ll let you buy me breakfast before we head out to City Hall.”

* * *

Rudy slid back into consciousness at the feeling of a cat licking his hand. He squinted in the bright daylight, felt the irresistible power flowing from the feline into his fingertips, and grabbed the animal by the neck. Feeling much stronger, Rudy got to his feet, looking around for other living things from which to get energy.

“Alright, Mr. Lebeau, let’s see how stupid I am now…”

* * *

“Are you serious, Smallville? You’ve never had beef bourguignon!?” Clark shook his head at Lois as he took another gulp of orange juice. “Well, this is an absolute travesty. Obviously, the only solution to this is that you try some, pronto.” Lois tapped her nose with her spoon for a moment, looking around the diner as if for inspiration. “Aha! We’re meeting Bobby Bigmouth at Chez Pierre tonight for the lead on the deputy mayor story! You can order some there,” she finished triumphantly. 

“I’m so glad I have a say in this,” Clark muttered. 

“Trust me, Smallville – you’ll thank me for this.”

* * *

Having had to survive for the past few hours on draining small animals of their strength, Rudy had finally stood out in the road, got someone to stop, and grabbed the driver. Taking a human’s strength was so much more rewarding – he had driven into Metropolis before he started feeling weak again. He wrapped himself in the blanket in the driver’s car and donned the man’s hat to attempt to disguise the discoloration his skin had gone through – it was now purple.

Rudy now knew that when he touched another human, he not only took their strength, but their memories. This filled him with an insatiable hunger – Rudy, the simple janitor, now had the power to increase his powers, knowledge and abilities. He finally had the opportunity to make something of himself, and if that came at the expense of others, so be it. He settled on the ultimate target, on the one who could give him the most power... and those who could lead him to that power.

* * *

Jimmy pushed his way out of the Daily Planet’s revolving doors, whistling. Today had been a great day, he had avoided Perry’s wrath, and Lois and Clark were out on a lead that would hopefully develop into an opportunity for him to take photographs for them. The last thing he remembered before a heavy hand clamped on his shoulder was seeing a taxi slow down as he hailed it.

* * *

“We’d both like the beef bourguignon, please,” Lois ordered, winking at Clark. “Oh, and when Bobby gets here, please let us know.” 

“Which ‘Bobby’ would this be?” The waiter wrinkled his nose at having to perform some extra menial duty worthy of a receptionist.

“No need mon-sewer, I’m right here. And I’m gonna want some of what they’re having, some penne, and a steak. Oh! And some steamed broccoli.” Bobby Bigmouth seated himself at the third chair at Lois and Clark’s table. As the waiter scurried off, he continued, “And you are never going to believe what has been happening today. Forget the scoop I was going to give you – this one is a big one, and fully deserving of this meal, that’s for sure.” 

Lois and Clark leaned forward eagerly. “Well?” Lois asked, impatiently.

“Well,” Bobby began, as he popped a bread stick into his mouth, “starting earlier this afternoon, there have been a lot of people being admitted to Met General for one specific reason. All of them are suffering from extreme weakness, it seems. After a few hours, each of the patients have recovered, and all of them have said that some guy had grabbed them before they dropped. No one’s seen the guy yet, but they’re calling him the Parasite, and I’m betting this is a job for you two. Or, you know… Big Blue.” Bobby and the others looked up quickly as they heard a loud crash coming from the front of the room, followed by the appearance of a large purple man. The patrons of the restaurant all rushed away from the creature as Clark stood up, sizing up Parasite.

“Clark Kent, you ruined my life, writing that article about me and STAR Labs” Parasite grated out as he caught sight of his prey. “And now you’ll pay by feeding me with yours!” Clark stood his ground as Parasite stood in front of him, having not met any villain who could best him outside those in possession of Kryptonite or magical powers. Parasite grabbed Clark’s arm, and the reporter immediately fell to his knees. Lois and Bobby stood still with shock as the monster’s face stretched into a grin. “Well, well, well. This ain’t just a snack, is it? I’m going to keep this around as a buffet. The knowledge, the power!” Parasite laughed as he hoisted Clark over his shoulder. “Well, it’s been swell seeing you all, but I have some business to attend to. But don’t worry, I’ll be back for seconds!” With a whoosh, Parasite disappeared from the restaurant, and the patrons all heard the sonic boom they had previously attributed to the sound of Superman flying away.

Bobby recovered first. “Wow, this Parasite got ahold of Big Blue’s powers somehow? That means Superman’s in some serious trouble…”

“And Clark is too! Kidnapped by a monster with Superman’s powers, Clark doesn’t stand a chance.” Lois took a deep breath to calm herself and turned to Bobby. “We have to stop him, Bobby.”

“But how? We see what kind of power he has –”

“And maybe he has Superman’s weakness too… Bobby, call the police, get Inspector Henderson on the line, tell him what’s going on, and get them to orchestrate something to draw this… Parasite… out.” Lois was jogging out of the restaurant and had hailed a taxi by the time Bobby registered this. 

“But Lois, I’m just a snitch, I’m not cut out for this kind of –” Lois had shut the door, and the taxi had already left before Bobby realized the responsibility was up to him whether he liked it or not. “Oh, fine. But next time, I’m getting double desserts,” he shouted after the cab.

* * *

Clark groaned as he regained consciousness. He felt as if he had been hit by a truck while exposed to Kryptonite. He tried to expand his hearing, but it appeared that all of his powers were gone.

“Well, well, well. Mr. Kent, it seems you have been keeping a lot from us,” Parasite taunted from a few feet away. Clark tried to get up, but his lack of strength and the rope binding him to the chair prevented him from doing so. “For a reporter, you certainly are the Fort Knox of secrets. And what a treasure I’ve found. With your powers, Superman – oh, did I mention, I have your memories, so I know those important things like secret identities? – yes, I’ll be able to get anything I want. Well, time for another snack, and I’m off to… well, I’ll just do anything” he smirked as he grabbed Clark’s shoulder, and the reporter felt the blackness surround him again.

* * *

“You want me to what?” Doctor Bernard Klein was astounded that Lois Lane, a good friend and frequent visitor to STAR Labs had made such a request, but he also knew that she must have a good reason for it.

“I need the kryptonite that you have, Doctor. This Parasite is out there in Metropolis with Superman’s powers, and the only thing I can think of to stop it is with the only thing to stop Superman. I know it’s dangerous to hand it to the police, which is why you need to go out there and use it.” As the doctor looked as if he was going to protest, she hurried on, “Clark is also out there somewhere, and I’ve got to find him. You can implement the plan, but I’ve got to get some leads and make sure my partner is okay, too. And Superman, if Parasite has him, or has done something with him,” she amended.

Doctor Klein scurried off with the lead box in hand, and Lois hurried down the halls to the main desk. “Jane,” she called out to the receptionist. “Tell me all you can about any employees missing from STAR Labs in the past couple of days."

* * *

Soaring above the Metropolis skyline, Parasite grasped the bags of gold tighter as he spotted a large collection of panda cars in Metropolis’ Central Square. He floated down toward them to see what the commotion was about, and if there was any way he could profit from it. He gave pause as he saw guns trained at him, but stood proudly as he knew they had nothing that could stop him. A voice over a megaphone called out to him.

“Parasite, we are not here to harm you, but if you will not stop your abuse of power, we will have to take you out,” Inspector Henderson calmly stated.

“You think I’m gonna stop? Yeah right – you’re going to get me what I want, and then we’ll see whether you get anything out of this deal.” 

“Parasite, we are warning you. You have special abilities, and we respect that. But you will have to conform to Metropolis, state, and federal laws as you operate with those powers –” 

“Enough! I’ve seen how you deal with these other guys who come in with awesome power. You send Superman after him, or you shoot him down, but you can’t do either of those to me, so it’s my town, and my rules. Any… uhhh… questions?” Parasite’s knees buckled, and he felt sick to his stomach. 

“No questions, but I certainly have the answer to the doubts I’ve had about this plan working,” Doctor Klein replied gratefully as he held the radioactive rock toward Parasite. As the police rushed to wrap the now unconscious monster in plastic material without touching him, the good doctor dropped the Kryptonite back into the lead box and walked over to Henderson for a long debriefing. There were far too many days like this.

* * *

Lois’ heels clicking were the only sounds in the STAR Labs corridor as she searched yet another hallway for signs of Parasite orClark, hoping she would not have to deal with the former. Suddenly, there was a crash at the end of the hallway, and Lois broke into a run, her heart in her throat. She hesitated in front of the janitor closet’s door, glancing out the open window at the hall’s end, and threw the door open. She gasped. Before her lay Clark Kent, who, having used the last of his remaining strength, had launched his chair toward the door and toppled over onto his side, knocking various supplies all over the place. 

Lois hurried to untie her partner, and nearly weeping with relief (though later she would never admit it), remarked, “Trust Smallville to literally be swept off his feet by a broom. C’mon, partner,” she cajoled as she helped the exhausted reporter to his feet, “we’ve got a story to write.”

* * *

**"PARASITE" SUCKS - Former STAR Labs Janitor Given Closet Space in Stryker's** , by Lois Lane  
**Search for "Parasite's" Accomplice Continues** , by Clark Kent

Rudy threw the newspaper against the cement wall in his isolated cell in Stryker’s. He may have been foiled by Superman’s weakness, but he would know better next time. Besides, he knew that Clark… that Kent… he struggled to remember what was so important about the reporter, but he drew a blank. _No matter_ , he thought. _At least I’ve got cable here_.

* * *

“Yes Mom, everything’s fine. No, they’re not back yet, but I figure I’ll give it a few days before I really get worried. I don’t think we’ll have to worry about this Parasite fellow for some time; the guards at Stryker’s Island are pretty competent.” Clark heard a knock at his door, and after trying to see who it was, remembered he would not have that ability for some time. “Mom, someone’s at the door, I’ll call you back. Love you too. Bye now.” Clark hung up the phone, walked over to the door and opened it to find Lois holding a couple of large bags of groceries. Clark quickly opened the door wider, taking the bags from her and sending her a questioning glance.

“Hey Smallville, I figure since you’re still recovering from your ordeal, and Bobby Bigmouth will trail us at any restaurant begging for desserts, I’ll make you beef bourguignon. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen?”

As Lois grabbed ingredients from the bags Clark held out for her and placed them on the counter, she began regaling him with tales of past cooking experiments gone wrong. As Clark laughingly conceded to do the actual cooking so long as she provided a recipe and one was quickly thrust into his hand, he thought that maybe, just maybe, this might be the night things could finally go well for him.


End file.
